And Shes Falling With All The Brave Ones

what did i tell you guys. I forgot to keep up with this thing. so much shit has happend since then

>Engaged to be Engaged

>Found the love of my life

> Moved out

> Wants nothing to do with my mother

….Me and Rian is no longer together anymore(not like there was) Since march 20h I have been talking to one guy and in April 23rd we got together and I moved in the following few weeks. I am happy and In love more than I was with chris. I  cant say I still get depressed as much but I can say that the episodes are no more! I cant wait til the day me and David get married and have our life just the way we want it. More later

Mucho de amour

Me

Shitty shitty shitty day today.

The clouds keep drooping and one of these days the rain is going to come and I will welcome it. I am sick of getting like this all the time, no joys today other than my favorite book ever came today (yay?)

Its just I am sick to death of being this way. Depressed and lack of everything, Right now I don’t give a damn if I die or not I feel like shit. This whole world is fucking me over. I had a very triggering dream last night. I dreamt that someone was killing me and it was my ex, I saw him in my sleep I heard his voice again and its not right damn it I am over him but why do I dream of him…I heard him say “now..Kill her..she doesn’t deserve to live..and I was pushed under water hardly trying to breathe. Chris got what he wanted in the dream…He got me dead..I don’t know I will ever be okay all I can do is write how I’m feeling for freedom..I might continue later who knows..

♥ Me

What more can I say than I am a 19 year old ex addict, its been 14 months and I haven’t done anything illegal since then…in knowing that it has also been 14 months since I seen my exs face. Not that I don’t miss him don’t get me wrong if he wasn’t such an ass and stuck on his self maybe and I mean maybe I would have considered getting back with him.

April is a hard month for me three things hapend to me that I couldn’t prevent. My break up with Chris, my rape, and the biggest depression spill I have ever had. I really wish I knew what was wrong with me, the meds help but I don’t want to keep taking them forever.

Again it seems like when I write this I am ranting about my problems and struggles, I want to be happy I want nothing else better than that..sometimes I wonder if I am really supposed to be happy…two more days until the year anniversary I’m not looking forward to it, something in me wants me to write Chris a myspace message and tell him how I really feel..If I do I’ll tell you what I wrote, if not I’ll still say what I want to say.

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